too many thoughts in my head

I don't think I can even put into words all of the thoughts in my head right now.  I'm not even sure why I am bothering to try.  I just have a lot on my mind. I'm wondering what this summer is going to be like.  I'm wondering if I will get a job and make some money.  I'm wondering if...

I don't know.  That's the point.  What am I doing with my life?  Where am I going?  Why am I here?

I'm trying to just live in the present.  I'm trying to be the best me I can be.  I think that was the point of what I read in Rediscovering Catholicism a couple weeks ago that I loved so much and meant to write about.  We are all called to be holy, to be saints.  And we can meet that goal by striving to be the best possible version of ourselves.  That's what the saints did.  I love reading about the saints and their amazing stories and all of the awesome things that they did.  But the most amazing thing about the saints is that they were just ordinary people who thrived by living out their faith in everything they did.  They didn't just know the faith, they lived it.  That's why people remember and admire them.  They are real examples and role models of the authentic life that we should all be striving for.  They did what they had to do to make themselves better and chose to always go the way God willed for them, to walk the path that He had planned for them.  It wasn't always fun, and it certainly wasn't easy, but they did it anyway.  For the love of God.

So I guess that's what I'm going to work on this summer.  Becoming a better me.  The me I want to be.  And even if things don't go exactly the way I want, that's ok.  Because they're probably going the way God wants which is more important than what I want.  The focus needs to be on God's will not mine, and being the best version of myself I can be, the person God made me to be.  The summer challenge is mass and a holy hour every day.  And this shouldn't be for the pride of doing it, or the goal of getting something out of it, but just for love of Jesus.

A related thought from the fabulous Crystalina Evert  “Instead of looking for the ideal man, become the ideal woman and let him look for you. Keep your eyes on God and know that when it comes to finding a decent guy, the patient girl gets the prize.”


Oh life...how does that song go?  I love this crazy tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful beautiful life.
Yep that's how I'm feeling right now.  Things will all work out according to God's will, and I will just have to go through some learning and growing and changing along the way.  But it will all be worth it.  Because I know that God has something awesome planned for me, a plan that's way better than any of the ones I've come up with.  Now all I've got to do is trust Him and bear all things with patience. 


So easy to say, so hard to do.  Prayers appreciated.