So I've officially been to all of my classes except chem lab now even though I nearly missed my weight training class this morning. Here's my embarrassing moment for the day. I set my alarm for 7, the class starts at 8, I wanted to give myself plenty of time. Instead after I turned off my alarm I said to myself "5 more minutes." Famous last words. Well those 5 minutes quickly turned to 30 or 35 and suddenly there was only 20 to 25 minutes to get ready.
And you're thinking...it's a pe class, what's the big deal? Throw on shorts and a tshirt and get going. Normally I would agree. And normally that is what my routine will be. Hopefully I will not normally have 43 bug bites on my legs and feet. Yes. 43 bug bites on my legs and feet. Bug bites itch. I had to do something about them. And what does this have to do with running late for my class this morning you may ask? Well sometimes those anti-itch ointments and creams and whatever that are what you're supposed to use for this kind of thing don't actually help at all. So I needed to get a little creative. My aunt once told me that putting soap on them helped. So I tried that and it worked for awhile, but it just wasn't cutting it. So my next thought was nail polish. I wasn't sure what it would do but I put some clear nail polish on them and the relief was almost instantaneous. It's the only way I have survived the last couple days.
And you still don't see where this story is going. Well, I only had so much clear nail polish. So I figured I should save it for during the day when I'm going to class and people will actually see me. So when the clear nail polish peeled off I put some ooh la la lilac on for the night. It didn't peel off by morning. It didn't really want to come off at all. So how did I spend most of the 20 minutes I had this morning? Trying to wash my purple nail polish off 43 spots on my legs! Luckily the weight room is 5 minutes from my dorm. Because that was all I had left by the time I gave up and just went with a handful of purple spots. Oh and I've never been in this building before...so I'm walking up to a door I hope will take me in the right direction and luckily walk right into the weight room and everyone, well the sophomores, go "that's Paige." The professor had just started calling roll and of course I'm like the second person on there. Darn beginning of the alphabet names. Just kidding, I actually like that most of the time. Just not when it makes me that girl that walks into class 30 seconds late and everyone is looking at me and yelling out my name. Like it wasn't bad enough I was the girl with the lilac polka dots on her legs. Geez.
So that was an interesting start to an otherwise uninteresting day. I was tired the rest of the day though which meant it took basically the entire rest of the day to read the 11 pages and answer the questions for latin american lit. It doesn't sound like a lot but it sure did take a really long time to get through. So I didn't read anything for sociology, but Emily says I don't really have to and she's taken the class so she should know. And I was going to get a head start on Ignatius for mystics but then I didn't...partly because I want him to further explain what exactly he wants us to do with our note taking, there's something in the syllabus about getting blue books but I don't really understand what he's getting at. I really wish the professor I was supposed to have hadn't left. I don't know that I would have taken what is basically a 400 level course in a foreign language as a sophomore if I didn't know the professor. But maybe it will be good for me to step out of my comfort zone. I hope I get something out of it anyway. Other than an aversion to and fear of spanish. Which would be really sad as I'm kind of minoring in it...
I'm having one of those confused, Lord I don't know what you're trying to tell me days. I was feeling kind of down all afternoon because it was just depressing being in the suite alone? Were there other people in here? I don't even know. But I was basically alone and just reading this spanish book and worrying about my other spanish class and wondering what the heck I was doing in Atchison, Kansas and what would I be doing now if I wasn't here or maybe I would be doing the exact same thing. Doing homework not because I'm really worried I won't get it done or it will take me awhile, I could have been done much faster if I had really tried, but because honestly I didn't have anything better to do. I couldn't even find anything on the internet to distract me. I could have probably read Rediscovering Catholicism all day and I should work on my porfolio for the ed department, but it just seemed so depressing that the only thing going on in my life, the only opportunities I had for the afternoon were coming from my homework.
And I thought, God, is this a sign that I shouldn't be here? I should be happy with where I go to school right? I shouldn't be longing for fall break, counting down the days literally from the day I moved in. My parent's shouldn't have to come visit me, or really allow me to go with them to Kansas City, for labor day weekend. I should have something fun planned to do. But I'm eager for any chance to get out of here. I don't want to be here. That's how I was feeling. This afternoon was probably the most intense this emotion has ever been.
But then after making myself a little velveeta microwavable shells and cheese thing, Emily got back from work and since no one else was around asked if I wanted to go over to her brother's girlfriend's house with her. Megan, her brother's girlfriend, was making pork chops for dinner as well as corn on the cob and rice and we had a really nice evening just eating and chatting with her. So all of a sudden it was like maybe this isn't such a terrible place after all. But why can't it be like that all the time then? Am I supposed to like it or not? Am I supposed to be here or not? I don't know.
I kind of hate having the "senior year we'll live here" or "junior year we're going to be doing this" because a part of me wonders if I'll really factor into that equation. And I guess the part I hate the most is the wondering. I guess I'm not really to the point of thinking about what all I would have to go through if I transferred, I'm just think at least I would know what I was doing. At least I might feel confident that I was doing the right thing. But right now I have no idea what I'm doing
So after 2 days of class, 4 days technically of being here, I think most of me is still feeling like I have way too many more days to spend here just this semester let alone another 2 and a half years after that. But there's this tiny part of me that's thinking, maybe there isn't enough time left, not enough time to really know, to make a decision about staying or leaving. Maybe you're not giving this place enough of a chance. Which part is going to win? And will that winning part still feel like the winner once I've acted on that feeling? I don't know...
I feel like that should be the title of my blog right now. I don't know. Or Looking for Answers. Not So Patiently Waiting. Waiting on God's Call. University of the Undecided. Undecided, Ohio. Name that chick flick anybody?
I should go to bed. Tomorrow is another day... i
ipod on shuffle. On something I discovered called Pagie's mix. Why my itunes created this playlist of the first 41 songs alphabetically on my ipod...again, I don't know. But I really don't think I did this. And if I did I misspelled my name. I must have at some point. But the point is song right now is Reliant K Be My Escape. Perfect timing. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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