a downer of a day...or was it?

I wish I had happy things to report, but I'm really not in that sort of mood.  I didn't getting anything done on my spanish paper which I swore I would do this weekend seeing as it is due the friday we get back from break.  The cubs lost today, giving up 4 runs in the bottom of the 8th all with 2 outs.  They really had me thinking they might find a way to win, but no.  Heaven forbid they get above .500.  The good thing is that everybody else in the league lost too.  Well except the pirates but we all know that we will not have the same record as the pirates for too long- I hope.

Then came mass and it was really nice- Palm Sunday- we did a blessing of palms and gospel reading outside of the church and then processed in which was cool.  But the whole mass I was just having some pretty negative thoughts and it was rather distracting.  The thing that I did pay attention to though was really uplifting.  As we were reading through the really long passion gospel I payed special attention to the chorus parts that the whole congregation says.  And I thought about the things they said, the crowd, "crucify him" and those kind of things.  They gave Jesus up, an innocent man.  And as I was saying these lines with the rest of the congregation I could only think about the ways that all people and myself in particular did play a part in crucifying Jesus.  Even though we weren't there at that particular moment in history, Jesus died for all of our sins, for everyone that had ever been and would ever be.  On the cross he saw it all, each time we would crucify him, betray him, and turn our backs on him, an innocent man.

The part of the mass right before communion which is my favorite part that I always make sure I hear is when the priest elevates the broken host and we respond "Lord, I am not worthy to receive, but only say the word and I shall be healed."  And it hit me especially hard today how really unworthy I am. Do you ever think about why would Christ die for me?  I am so not worth being nailed to a cross for.  And Jesus certainly didn't have to die for me or anyone else.  I mean did he deserve to go through such a horrible death?  Do we deserve eternal life and salvation?  We deny him every day in some little way.  Or at least I do.  Most of the time many times a day.  And probably not always in little ways.  So why?  Because he loves us.  He loves us to death.  He would give anything for us, even his life.  It seems crazy, and it is I suppose.  Jesus is crazy in love with us and all he asks is for us to love him in return.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately.  Why do I pray?  Is it for the fear of what might happen if I am not faithful?  Is is because I want people to think I am holy?  Is it because I want to get something out of it?  An answered petition?  Or even just joyous or peaceful feeling?  Those aren't the reasons we should have in mind when we pray.  I should go into prayer simply for love of God.  I should want to be in communion with him who is my creator, my savior, my counselor.  All powerful, all merciful, all loving.  It shouldn't matter if I don't feel like I'm getting anything out of prayer.  I should continue to do so just because I love God so much that I just want to be with him, to get to know him more, to spend time growing in relationship with him.  It shouldn't be all about me me me.  It's got to be all about Him.  It is once I have established this relationship that God will truly work through me.  Because then it will not be me waiting for something to happen, it will be me coming to God out of love for Him, and he will make me an instrument through which he will accomplish his will.  I can't do God's will if I don't know him.  And I can't know him if I don't take the time to listen to him and spend time in meditation on his sacred scripture and the lives of the saints whom he has worked through.

Benedictine hosted the vatican international exhibit of eucharistic miracles or something like that this weekend and going through all of the posters with the details of the miracles it was just impossible to not be in awe of the great power of God.  He is real and present in the eucharist and truly blesses those who believe in him.  It is just incredible to think of the miraculous deeds he has done, the illnesses and unbelief that he has cured.  I can't even describe the feeling I felt reading about all of the miracles.

Another thing about mass tonight was the songs they picked were really awesome. Here are a couple:

This one is actually from last week but I really like it too.  Unfortunately it's not on itunes.  The Chris Tomlin on is though.

And Lead Me Home by Matt Maher (or at least Matt Maher sings it, I don't know if it is exclusively his song) is another one they sang tonight but I can't find a video for it.  But I really love this song.  Here's the lyrics:

Thank You for the cross
Thank You for Your love
The perfect sacrifice
Of praise to God above
Thank You for the gift
Thank You for the price
Of losing everything
to gain eternal life

Thank You
Thank You
Thank You

Thank You for Your joy
Thank You for the pain
Of longing for peace
In my suffering
Thank You for my hunger
For my poverty
I would fall into the arms of mercy

Every road leads back to You
Every journey lies in You, so

CHORUS
Lead me home my lover, savior (lead me home)
Lead me home my master,reademer (lead me home)
Lead me home and I will rest in You

I praise You when I'm broken
I praise You when I'm lost
That it would keep me honest
In need of You alone
I praise You for the past
For the mess of sin
I would never want
To turn from You again

Every road leads back to You
Every journey lies in You, so

REPEAT CHORUS

*from sweetlyrics.com*